The trip to Colorado was fun, beautiful, hopeful and at times exciting. There were several moments where I had my breath taken away. Driving into Boulder on 36 is a magical experience. As you pass the red dirt and office park outskirts of Denver, weaving closer to the mountains until you are among them, you finally hit the top of that last hill with Boulder below you and you remember you are entering the happiest city in the country.
We spent the majority of our vacation hours in Boulder and the thing that struck me the most about it was how happy everyone there seemed. Yes, people in Boulder have money and education. They aren't so trashy or fat as people in many places. They can smoke weed if they want to and work at Fortune 500 companies (Google is opening a large campus there). They ride bikes everywhere and don't have many chain stores. Their happiness is quite evident and infectious.
My sister could not resist the lure. She says she loves it in Boulder and she'll never move back home. I get it, I really do. But I don't think Boulder is for me. Too small, too posh.
Luckily, we were able to spend a day in Denver, but this is when it started to become clear to me that something was wrong.
First of all, let me say Denver also has many things to like. An extensive light rail and bus system, a massive performing arts center, a real convention center, shops of all kinds, cupcakes, art, architecture, expansion projects, hippies, good vibes, beauty, tax dollars for the arts, and so on. Denver is like many other large cities probably.
Going into this trip, I didn't really think it mattered where I moved, so long as it was a large American city. I guess I had fallen out of love with the idea of moving somewhere for love. Too many disappointments perhaps... trying to be realistic about being somewhere close to home... I'm not sure why I didn't care more where I moved. So long as it was a large city and Martha and I were together, it didn't really matter to me where that was. Speaking of Martha, she of course wants to be somewhere she truly cares about, but has been willing to settle for something else if need be. Now I'm wondering about it myself...
I don't really see us in Denver, I have to admit. Do I think we could be happy there? Yes I do. But I don't feel that it's right and that has me rather shaken up.
I know we wanted a positive affirmation of the plan, but I'm just being honest about what I felt when I was there. Colorado is very beautiful and in many ways unlike Kansas. Actually, it's quite what I thought it would be. But my desire has changed... I realize we should live somewhere we really want to.
But now what...
